2nd JANUARY 1976
INTRODUCTION

With the publication of this Newsletter we move into the last quarter of the twentieth century and all the challenges of the start of a fresh year. 1 am sure that it will be a good and enjoyable ,year?.
One of -the attributes of soldiering is the opportunity for enjoying oneself a fact which no one should lose sight or even when commitments loom thick and fast. A happy soldier is not always a good one but an unhappy soldier will invariably be a bad one. A good maxim for 1976 should be not to take oneself too seriously.
The cooks did sterling work last week to provide excellent . meals. I am sure that every one. here in Londonderry will not object to my thanking them on your behalf. Those who cook in Waterloo Car Park had the added difficulty of a real day and an official day as the 28th had been declared Christmas Day except for the Officers because it was feared they would find it too confusing.
Several of the Poems in last weeks Newsletter caused a good deal of controversy and discussion. They were the genuine unedited feelings of some members of the Regiment and I apologise' if they caused any anguish.
We have had a major problem with Ulster Calling not letting us know when they are recording programmes and not broadcasting live. It appears that studio arrangements change at the drop of a hat in the BBC which does not affect those in Belfast. However with a "5 hour round trip it is not easy for us especially for only a 5 minute broadcast. We will try and get them to come to Londonderry record some messages.

CONGRATULATIONS
We send our congratulations to Captain and Mrs Truffet on the birth of their daughter.

B TROOP NOTES

B Troop seem to be down in the dumps at the moment due to the return of their Troop Commander from R & R, but he has assured them that he will try to go away again.
(If the Emplanement Officer reads this he will be on loan to 32 Engineers - Ed)

Very little has been going on in the Troop as we are now well into our routine. However Gnr Geordie Pardue has left us to go to J Troop where he will show them exactly how it should be done. Gnr "Robo" Robinson we hear is getting married soon although this is certainly denied by one of the parties concerned.

One piece of excitement occurred when LCpl Alan Robinson with his patrol caught two female shop breakers red handed; he has just had the satisfaction of seeing them appear in court.
One unconfirmed report says Sgt Dougie Massey was also on this patrol, which is doubtful as we all know he is always in bed.

The lads have been working hard to compile a dictionary of Northern Ireland terms for those back home and this is the result:

1. Come on: Naked Watchbird (Female RMP - Ed)
2. Find: Troop Commander with cigarettes
3. Felix: Ex cartoon character ,.hv5&c' interest is now bombs,
4. Hot Pursuit: Running after the duty driver as he passes your checkpoint with the tea
urn.
5. Internment: Confined to camp
6, Ops Room: 5 star hotel.
7. P Check: Ensuring your flies are fastened.
8, Radio Check: Good joke made by- the Ops Room.
9. Stag: Gaelic term for 6 hours.
10. Sangar: Room for insomniacs
11, Vehicle check point: Haven for collecting car numbers,
12. Watchbird: Inquisitive Drag Artist.
13. Cleansweep: The result of a visit by the BC.
L4. Lift: Int stealing the Ops Room'-s Mayfair.
15. Radio call sign 83: The unknown Soldiers.

With the thought that there could be more redundancy in the offing, a young NCO presented the following Plan for the early retirement of the over 40,s

As a result of inflation, and a declining workload, Management must of necessity, bring steps to reduce the size of the work force. A reduction of Employees programme has been devised which seems most equitable under the circumstances. Under this plan, older employees will be placed in early retirement thus permitting the retention of employees who represent the future of the company. Therefore a programme to phase out the elder personnel (over 40's) by the end of the current financial year will be put into effect immediately. This programme will be known as RAPE (Retirement, Aged Personnel Early)

Employees who are RAPED will be given the opportunity to seek other jobs in the system - provided that, while they are RAPED they request a review of their employment status before a retirement takes place. This phase of the programme will be known as SCRW (Survey of Capabilities of retired Early Workers). All employees who have been RAPED and SCREWED may apply for a final review.
This phase will be known as STUFFED (Study of Termination of Use For Further Education and Development;
Programme policy dictates that employees can get "RAPED"once, "SCREWED" twice but can get "STUFFED" as many times as management sees fit.
We will leave it there hoping that none of our over 40's have to suffer those programmes.

D TROOP DOODLES
This has been a changeable month for the troop. Firstly we reverted to being a three section troop instead of four and Sgt Bill Brownson arrived back from H & R to find that he was being sent to Ballykelly on an education course, at present he is getting more sleep than the rest of the troop put together.
He should return refreshed and educated to give us a rest.
Gnr Appleby received an early Christmas present by becoming LBdr Appleby which I'm told is only painful to the pay packet; when you have to buy everybody drinks. However he,s not complaining as no one can drink much here so it was quite cheap.
The Strand area itself changed for a short period during Christmas when all the locals became friendly and some of the lads even received Christmas presents, this was all too obvious when I visited P9 a vehicle check point in our area and received a cup of coffee that would have cost about 75p in any pub.

Even Christmas Day changed and happened on the 28th Dec as this was the only day when the WFR and the UDR could man all the checkpoints and allow the lads to stand down for a short time. -We would all like to thank them for the short respite,

Christmas dinner was a riot so much so that the BC had shields and batons ready for the officers in case the situation got out of hand.

Another thing that has changed is the great moustache growing season. People appear to lose them when they go on R & R.

On a search the other day Bdr Alexander was convinced he was in a morgue because he found a number of wreaths; but I put the morgue like feeling down to a combination of lack of sleep and over indulgence the night before.

All progresses well and despite the slight extension, by a week, of our tour we are just about on the downhill stretch. From myself and the Troop I would like to send Best Wishes to everybody in the New Year with the thought that its only 7^ days until we come back.

QUOTE OF THE Y/EEK
Major AJ Nettleton a former commander of 18 and HQ Batteries on a Christmas Card
"Woolwich is a curious place!

JUST THE BIRD
A Bombardier filled in a computer date forms
!I want a companion who is small and attractive, loves water sports, and enjoys
group activities.
The answer,
!You want to meet a penguin,

F TROOP THOUGHTS
Since the last Newsletter the Troop have not been quite as busy as they have been in the past. However we did have Christmas to think about, and with the troop being in the observation posts it presented 4 and 5 Sections with the problem of cooking their own Christmas dinners. The challenge was taken up by Sgt Pete Jones for 5 Section and Lbdr Ray Perry for 4 Section complete with The Galloping Gourmet's guide to Christmas Fare; according to the reports they did this expertly, well done the two old men.

Six Section were lucky enough to attend Cpl Newsome's excellent Christmas dinner for which they extend their thanks to all concerned in the cooking and to the Troop Commander for not issuing 24 hour ration packs and hexamine blocks to cook them with. However 6 Section are getting a bit worried about Bdr Kenny Everitt's weight problem and have decided to confiscate all the goodies his Mum sent him for Christmas before he gets too FAT.

Boxing Day for 4 Section was brought alive by a fire in the Rossville Flats and all allegations that 4 Section were seen running out of the observation post with cans of petrol are flatly denied they are quite fond of the Rossville Plates, and enjoyed the
opportunity of helping the Natives.

We would like to welcome Bdr Roger Hailes back-from his SIX day's Rand R and hope that he recovers from the wounds left by the vampire which attacked him. We would also like to welcome Bdr Kevin Jubb back to the Troop after spending a month at Ballykinder with the NIRTT Team. At the same time we would like to wish him all the best for his posting to Woolwich on the 6th of January we will be sorry to lose him. 'We look forward to seeing him back with bulled boots in two years time.

The Troop would like to congratulate Lbdr Spud Murphy on his recent promotion. We will celebrate back in Fallingbostel -so start saving lad. . ' ;
We would also like to take this opportunity to wish you all a Happy and Prosperous New Year.

Three people are needed for a good joke - one to tell it,
another who understands it and a third who doesn!t.
for the pleasure of the one who tells, it and the one who "understands it is heightened by the fact that the third doesn't get it.

S_sssssshhhh.......You Know Who?

The fly in the Regimental Office was basking on the newly decorated wall when it was rudely awakened with yet another demand for an inside story for the Public Relations Officer. Suggestions that a woman could do the job equally well for the same pay (none) under the new parliamentary act were to no avail. It was sent out into the wilds
to infiltrate the Intelligence Sections activities.
In their pink and black rooms they work on the principal that if it is not covered by the Official Secrets Act its not worth knowing, which accounts for the large numbers of wall maps and charts covered with indecipherable writing. They are doing a grand job if only they could tell you about it but they can't. Perhaps it is that they are learning Gaelic and therefore have forgotten English.

SSgt John Barrass, looking very smart these dayys in pigskin jacket and bright yellow Tuff working boots, has done a very good job on the playboy jigsaw puzzle. It is a good thing pictures are flat as I am sure that the numerous cups of coffee placed on that lovely topography by Signalman John Marsden would come to grief.

One of the joys of being in Intelligence or just plain "Int" is the civilianised Mini car to go round gathering all the information. Great pride is taken in the Mini's performance. Imagine the embarrassment of breaking down on a shopping spree, sorry Int gathering trip to Coleraine.
This is Lbdr Steve (the Yank or Pathfinder) Jansky's department. So well is the mini maintained that it fell off the rear bumper recently. This did not please Lbdr Frank Crossland, our hockey star, much. Having changed for hockey practice, reunited the bumper and car no one told him that the practice was cancelled. As their motto says if int don't know it it's not worth knowing

Since he has been on R & R Gnr Neil (Jellyroll) Owen reckons he can take anything on the rest of the tour. Unfortunately the mini's springs can't take him so perhaps he too will acquire a new pair of bright yellow Tuff work boots!; it's good for the figure.

Sgt Frank Baker's wife sent him a large knitted doll called 'Bagpuss' for Christmas, There would seem to be a great affinity between the two as the position of the doll indicates the gallant sergeants activity (sleeping). The lying down position on the shelf is understood but what does it mean when the doll gets up and falls onto its head.

Capt Richard White asked to remain anonymous, but since the twelve weeks he has been in Londonderry are the longest continuous period he has spent with the Regiment in six years we had to give him a mention.
He is also the leader of this gang when not playing rugby or pestering the Chief Clerk for a course in England starting on the 1st of March 1976.

There is another part of Int, but since it was raining and I had to cross the yard I thought I would not bother.

SEX APPEAL
From 20 to 50 if a man lives right,
its once in the morning and twice at night.
From 30 to 40 if he still lives right, he misses the morning and maybe a night.
From to 40 to 50 it is just now and then,
From 50 to 60 it is heaven,s knows '
From 60 to 70 he is still inclined,
But don't let him kid you, its just in the mind.
.
Dear Editor,
here is a little rhyme for you to put in your next issue of the Newsletter, in reply to
the Inkerman nursery rhyme, Also a challenge for you to think of another one!

INKERMAN: INKERMAN,
What have you seen?
Over in Derry where you have all been,
Were thinking of you all the time
Fighting for the Queen and crime.

INKERMAN INKERMAN,
Return to us soon,
Here in Fally is nothing but gloom,
But R & R is well under way
And new faces we see each day.

INKERMAN INKERMAN,
Rear party is working so hard,
There isn't time to sweep the yard,
Working from morning till night
But MARCH 76 is nearly in sight.

Keep your heads down, keep smiling and A HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU ALL

from a secret admirer YAR-X

MASONIC BHQ
Today I bring you good cheer so I have been informed by a somewhat elated
Gnr Ed Haskayne. The notorious Captain John Deakin goes on a well deserved R and R. Although Sgt Torode was heard to say Int will have a well deserved rest!!"
Speaking about Sgt Torode, Terry as we once were allowed to call him, he was summoned last week to wine and dine amongst the gentlemen of the W0!s and Sergeants Mess : congratulations, Our Kid.

Something dramatic has happened in the life of young Gnr Ed Haskayne, instead of being the section cabbage and needing at least 18 hours sleep each day, he has changed remarkably and now is promptly' in time for all his duties. One can only assume it is the nearing of his R and R that has brought about this phenomenon, or could it possibly be the emergence of a Full Moon; One can only surmise.

Talking about the Int Section, Victor Six (a vehicle check point in our attached Company's area) is alive and well and living in BHQ (Masonic) under the name of Gnr Ches Groves. We have been hatching a plot to send him there for good.

We also welcome back Gnr --Porridge11 Rafferty from what I am assured was a very satisfying and rewarding R and R: the mind boggles.
I
Gnr Taff Mantle has now been appointed Public Relations Officer for the British Legion. His work for spastics has endeared him to everyone especially the spastics.

What sort of relationship is developing between TSM Bill Brown and Bdr Jim McMenemy, Jim was seen outside the Ops Room last Friday eating a whole Trout Tail and all wishing the TSM a very good night and asking Bdr :Sally Kitson to inform the TSM that he was going to bed!!!
I
The BSM, Jack Simpson, still soldiers on. It has been an eventful tour for him,.rather like an explorer as he has found so many relations in Derry he never realised he had before. However one still has to hide one's Playboy or Mayfair if the BSM is in the immediate vicinity.
I
As I write this article our Qps officer Lt Richard Morris has one night to do on R and R. He has talked about it so much its a shame to think its almost over for him; big Ahhh from everyone.

The Battery Commander remains the number one mugger in the Battery. I
Last week he set up an all time record in sighting Martin McGuinness.
In fact we know McGuinnes has put in a complaint of harassment against the BC.

Our MT Nco Bdr Johnny Baylor passed a remark which did not go unnoticed by the BSM, the unfortunate statement was based on him wanting to be a Prison Warder because they reputedly earn £180 a week.
The BSM was never one to see anyone upset and promptly volunteered John for Relief Force Guard at HM Prison Magilligan for a week. Just for a bit of experience of prison life a smiling BSM informed John.
•
SSgt Tom Button is still playing The Sleuth in civilian clothes although-ugh H
he has changed his job and allegiance from being a paper boy at Joys bookshop H
to a more profitable concern somewhere in the Strand. ' •
Good old Dave Bartholomew is still trying to stay on his diet. Unfortunately he committed a colossal lapse at Christmas when he attempted to gorge a whole Christmas Cake in one sitting. He in fact just about succeeded.

Everyone is now looking forward to New Year and I take it upon myself on behalf of the Ops Room in Masonic Car Park to wish all ranks in the Regiment a happy and profitable New Year.

A SUBLTERN,S MEMORIES OF WATERSLOO CAR PARK

Having had an article published in Punch (see page 1162 17 December 1975) I have been persuaded to raise my standards and write an article for the Regimental Newsletter.
I was very easy to persuade as the option was to sit in the Officers Mess and have my hair cut by the Second in Command, who assured me that I would not need another one for at least six months!

So having promised to give the Barber my 25p next Monday (the Colonel returns on Tuesday) I now sit to write this article. I also feel honour bound to keep 49 Battery in print as the BSM had written two brilliant poems, of which one has been censored and the other severely axed. Our friendly PRO assures me that this was due to the shortage of words that would rhym with duck. Hopefully 2Lt Steve Cook will produce an article for D troop but he has already broken one typewriter and we cannot risk a second.

I will apologise in advance for any errors in spelling, punctuation and grammar but if this article had no faults, no one would believe I had written it without the assistance of a Gunner, not to mention that several senior officers would not be able to ridicule the effort. Also if my English was correct (I passed the 0 level) I would have little excuse for visiting the "Teachers Mess” on our return to Fallingbostel (we shall ignore the fact that they normally teach infants).

After a prolonged introduction, an essential part of any article, I will begin to tell you what I do in Londonderry ,after twelve weeks I have a rough idea. I spend most of my time repairing my radio, usually to discover it has flat batteries, or repairing my iron piglets only to prove that Araldite is not a wonder epoxy resin of unequalled strength. The remainder of my section complain that I spend too much time on the phone (whoops, pardon- telephone!)
•
I do not have enough spare time to waste as I am fully occupied organising
suitable menus to satisfy the fanciful tastes of the majority of the officers living in Waterloo Car Park (look out wives if you can match my selection you will be doing well). But having supplied such good food (all credit to Sgt Fuller.and his boys) I find that most people are putting on weight and I have to repair the chairs frequently; again Araldite proves its inadequacy.

Despite running the Saddle Club account and playing Rugby (didn't we do well in the Mcllwaine Cup?) I manage to get out on the streets to see how the other half live.
If any of your husbands bring you back clothes from "Veronicas" you can be assured their motives were double edged as the shop assistants are quite something.' You should also beware of half empty bottles of perfume as they will have been lifted out of some unsuspecting birds handbag or bought from the BK's shop.
Having been given a deadline for this article I am fast running out of time so before I tell you everything we get up to I will stop and leave it for another exciting instalment.

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