13th February 1976 This week has again produced tangible results. Not only have we continued to arrest youths for stone throwing but we also arrested two prominent Provisional IRA men from the Bogside. 94 Battery with good quick identification saw a man named Terry Crossan go into a house. He had been wanted for some time. When they raided the house Martin McGuiness was found to be there and was also arrested. The subsequent newspaper stories were a little exaggerated. The young hooligans were on the streets again on Saturday afternoon. They were not content with just throwing stones and set fire to an old car in the Bogside. It must have been the spring weather that brought them out; now that we have had rain and snow and the temperature has fallen even those who have been demonstrating in support of the hunger striker Stagg have been off the streets. 3rd Regiment RHA again brought the cold and wet when they came to play sport with- us. This time it was hockey, the Army Competition. Having looked the shadow of a team, and luckily only one goal down,, in the first half everyone concentrated in the second half which enabled us to score two goals. This was a good result against a very confident side. The soccer team were not as lucky and although they had a break from here lost the game with 29 Commando Regiment by five goals to one. We have been producing video tapes again for Fallingbostel and hope that they have helped to cheer up the families. COLLINS MERCENARIES Next we have the two Lbdrs of the section Graham (cuddles to his friends) Leeson and Pete Turner, who are always arguing about who is going to be the next Mayor of ZZZZZVILLE. I think that Pete should be. When Graham isn't asleep he's on the phone, he spends more time on the phone then the rest of the Battery put together. After these we have the three hooligans of the section. During the tour they have all had a holiday at the health farm in Ballykelly. First there was Gnr (Geordie) Black, then Gnr (Christie) Abbott who is still there so he must be enjoying himself. But the one who really enjoyed it the most was Gnr (Dobbo) Dobson who came back sporting the latest fashion in hair styles he must have liked it because since he came back he hasn't stopped talking about the place. We thought of going to see the CO and ask if he Next we have our star signaller Gnr (Womble) Davis, he has started a new craze in the Ops Room. Instead of saying over at the end of a transmission he says please! It must be this diet he is on. He has cut out broad during meal times and has decided only to eat toast on stag; keep your eyes open for the new slim line womble. Gnr (Tank) Elwell is the talker of the section. He can talk from the moment he wakes up until the time he goes to bed. Once we caught him talking in his sleep. All Tank is interested in is getting back to Fally to drive his big 432 abound; he even dreams about it. Then there is the midget of the gang Gnr Phil (Tich) Davies whose only interests at the moment are writing to his girlfriends and sending his Mum a Valentines Card. Finally theres me Gnr Mike Stewart,and I,m sure you don't want to know about me. Lastly we would all like to wish Marty all the best for when he leaves the Army in March. A TROOP Two is Rog Castle big as a bull
D TROOP NOTES Our illustrious Troop Commander (armed with claws and extremely dangerous) had a nasty accident whilst having a smoke break in a Pig (or was he just hiding?) during a small riot in mid-January. He was sitting there, quite happy v/hen suddenly the RCT driver decided to help the rioters by ramming the gate at the Checkpoint. A large steel post, however, halted the Pig rather abruptly and the rear viewing slit cover dropped. Guess who had his claws in the way? He is now doing fine and can now master using a knife and fork with his aluminium finger we are told. In fact he is skiving in Woolwich trying to convince the nurses that he did in fact damage a finger. Troop Sgt "Pops" Brownson, has just finished his education and can now say, without fear of contradiction, that whilst counting sheep in his sleep he can never get above twelve. He is quoted as saying, 'Today, the Education Officer, tomorrow Eton" Our resident civvy ex-Sgt ''Marty" Collins, is now signing Bruce (his dog) on for three years as he has seen more of the streets than most of the rest of the Section. The rest of the Troop have been having a pretty quiet time, just the usual routine of checkpoints, foot patrols and stand-by duty. The two lads who were shot, Mick Ikin and Frankie Sumner are recovered or recovering. Mick now back at Workshops and Frankie, after a couple of operations, has full use of his arm and hand and at present is enjoying a rest at the Depot in Woolwich, he is soon to go home on sick leave. The Troop and his mates in 6 Section wish him a speedy recovery and return to Fallingbostel. Finally, D Troop welcomes a new member to the troop, Sgt spud Murphy who has now taken over command of 6 Section. Our Ally Allison says he's big, strong and suave SUMMONS This is the final article to be penned by that infamous fly on the wall, otherwise known as the TAC HQ correspondent . We have already toured the lower (in altitude anyway) echelons of life in the building and it seems only fair to expose the only remaining part of the Headquarters to the light of day. By this I mean the inhabitants of cloud-base 9 or the Operations Room staff. It should be pointed out that these notes or memoranda are based on fact and that no libel case has been successful yet. This necessitates adventures showing great daring by your Having manfully shouldered the burden of yet another page to fill this task must he tackled. But how does one approach the lofty lair of such an intelligent prey that is well known for being "all swinging, all dancing, all of the time. The direct approach was out. They are a very tight knit bunch and sworn to secrecy. Any attempts at intercepting their phone calls leads to an immediate clamp down by TJ02 (SKIS) Hannaway. He grabs all phones issuing loud unintelligible replies and scribbling furiously at his log sheet. He is trying to break the 200 Aerials a stag (eight hour period) record. If this fails he then goes on to Phase 2. He rifts the battery signallers finishing by telling them to stay off the radio net. This initiates howls of protest over the telephone link and so establishes a security black out. In a second attempt bribery was tried on that tame "Scaleyback" Sgt Hamilton. His weakness for that addictive drug known in the trade as tea was exploited . His intake is prodigious and would kill most normal humans. He was approached for some inside facts when in one of his trances brought on by having sated himself with his second gallon of tea. Regretfully he passed into the incoherent stage muttering "Oh what a gay day while jumping to his feet brandishing a duster and tin of Pledge. Having wrought havoc to the Ops Room furniture he subsided with outstretched trembling hands, cries of "just like that" and hysterical laughter (or was it an impression of Tommy Cooper) This only left the BSM, W02 Styles. He was the hardest nut of all. He withdrew behind piles of Algebra text books and hurled hideous threats in welsh. "I have x coins in my pocket and the price of sheep is y pounds, how many can I buy? Further persistence, or was it the QMs old socks smoked continually by our intrepid reporter, led to the final retribution. In order to prevent publication the author was banished to the Siberia like tundra of the rifle ranges on Magilligan Point for five days. These few notes were left at the bottom of an "out tray" as an insurance against further reprisals. B TROOP NOTES Best Sleeper - Sgt Massey - 2,904 hours The Bravo Saga Bdr "Wino" Elward ) Geordie "Reds under the bed" Brough Now" we; "-know -'who everyone is, I will proceed to tell you the story of our lives in Bravo Troop. One fine day, Sgt Bedrash emerged from his pit (a rare occasion) and he came into the "Grotto" (Our Rooms), saying, as usual, "come on then' , get cleaned up, to which Geordie said "Brummy didn't do it this morning Sarge" and Brummy said "I'm innocent Sarge" and besides Bdr Wino is flaked, out on the chair again. Just then SSgt Cab Happy arrived saying 11 You are duty driver Lbdr Gringo. Yet again says Gringo under his breath'' On another occasion Sgt I hate Robo was wrting out the stag list, when his evil mind told him put Robo on checkpoint duty with Reg and Plug and with an evil grin went on to think of another dastardly plot. Just then, Chid (how much does it cost) came in drunk, but for the third and last time, asking the price of mattresses, to which I Eberneezer replied: ;too much son especially when the cost has anything to do with me or my fags Geordie ''reds under the bed'"' still believes that the Army is underworked and overpaid, and his only supporter is ill believe it" Rowledge, Taffy "Sick Chit" has just got back from the MI room after back from P<3. but not satisfied with that, he gets a boil on his ear, and flakes out into, the tneder arms of Big Chris (our watchbird heroine.) Well, readers, its nearly time for the next stag and as usual we "cannot arouse Evo "wake me when we get to Fally" Evans, but then again, he is rather advanced in years and needs his beauty sleep. Sgt Bedrash enters yet again (he does it quite often for someone with his affliction) just as Robo says "can I play out tonight Sarge to which he replied "not until you have cleaned the sinks and showers" and Kimmo pipes up - "Where are the showers Sarge?" Well, the gruesome twosome have just come in off stag, and as usual Lloyd "look at my muscles" Coleman rips off his shirt to show the world his masculine body, his partner in crime is I love me Card, who says in the words of our great Ena Sharples “ We had a low profile panic on our hands the other week, when Stuart "get off my gun" was on check point duty* An old man tried to nick his...weapon, but not to worry as he has been on an IS course since, so it shouldn't happen again,, On foot patrols last week, Dave "when I was in the Paras" showed us all how it should be done, but it seems that nobody agrees with him, so he went off in a sulk. Our last three we call the 3 musketeers (for want of a better word). they are: Well our Geordie Pardue says it's nearly time to GAN YAM and with only 28 days to do, let's all get back in one piece. The Troop Commander would like to point out that he did not write any of this week's newsletter as he was too busy counting the blankets handed in by Sgt Dougie Hassey. ADVERTISMENT ' MAGICAL MYSTERY TOUR BY FREDS TRAVEL SERVICE LTD Spend four months of country rambles and unadulterated pleasure in the Industrial Area of Londonderry. What the papers say: "Couldn't have been better" Hamster and Guinea Pig Gazette. "Lacks all excitement" Sydney and Canberra Times. Send your name and address for details on an empty Guinness Bottle to Fred Cherry, c/o Ballykelly by the fastest possible route. Next Year's offer will be Bogside State Safari. MAIL TRAIN Up to date Ive checked all my letters Its a 104 with my letter today F TROOP FQUGHTS But just as we were beginning to enjoy it they decided that they had, had enough and packed off home to tea. Our only injury was Lbdr Ray (Grandad) Perry who got two broken fingers when a stone hit his hand. Finally the question was why us? Since the yobo had already had a go at the other Batteries it was time we had a go. Bdr Roger (.Starchy) Hailes and Lbdr Paul (Spick) Barrow with their section had just Completed a snap vehicle check on the base of the fly-over and were on the way back when they came under fire. A bullet hit the side of the Landrover which Lbdr Barrow was commanding but didn't go through the macrolpn plating. Gnr (Ticker) Powis is now a regular at church meeting's, well done Ticker put a good word in for us all. The reaction from the patrol was first class and the hot pursuit almost ended in catching 3 suspects seen running away from the area the shot had been fired. Working in with Bdr Kenny Everitt's section they came within less than 50 metres of grabbing them, While we are all counting the day's, and looking forward to seeing everyone in Fallingbostel soon. RUDDICKS RIDDLES Once more my nimble digits grace the inner pages of this magazine with tales of war, or woe and conquest of the Daily Mirror crossword puzzle. After a slight reshuffle of the Battery our section changed from Number Seven to Number Five and gave us an additional three men. The only volunteer with us is Tim (why does nobody like me) Hunter. I'm sure 24 Missile Regiment in Dortmund won't be pleased to have him back at the end of the tour. Why does nobody like me calls himself a SAP. 'Senile and Past it, or whatever it stands for, he's not really as boring as is led to be believed. Just like Mick (I maybe a cabbage, but I'm super) Allen, he reminds me of a grape vine, creeps a lot. After scraping the barrel the 3G saw it fit to include Alan (I'll make someone a good wife) Payton in our team. Jed (not guilty) Lainchbury spent a few days with us before being sent down. They say the judge put him so far in that it will take an Act of Parliament to get him out. Never mind Jed, the birds wont reach you, if its any consolation. Now that we have sifted the rif raf (from the elite lets see what else we can find. The mathematician (Alex) Alexander the irrefutable champion of warriors, insists he can't fit in any of the workload due to the mattress thats strapped to his back. Most people have bags under their eyes due to lack of sleep; he has them above his eyes due to too much. Mick (Macstrap) Allen says he is leaving the Army when his 9 years are up. Barry (I've only 19 years to push) Appleby must be the only bloke I know who's forgotten more than he knows. As a direct defendant of that noble gladiator from Rome, Non Bullshius Shitius, I reckon he'll still be Lbdr when the army disbands. Johno Johnstone, that real hunk of he man, could be joining up with "I'll make someone a good wife" in civvy street before long. Johno departs from the Regiment April 18th, after a whole three years as a professional Would it be wise to wish him good luck and happy hunting. Winnie Winfield, after an exhausting R&R, came back full of spirits at 30p a tot; has so far kept his promise to end the "shimmfin" his New Years resolution Winnie, captured by TSM DENNIS throwing stones at busses gave the exchequer twenty, one pound notes to save himself visiting the nick. Give me the pennies Winnie and -fll do it for you. Steve (Pretty Boy) Tomlinson is still "Letching" more than his brain can register. His eyes are that friendly, they're looking at each other. Give it a few more months and it'll be a case of "instead of coming he went". Frank (Has anyone seen Jock or is he still on his R&R) Hart, 2nd from last of this bundle of excitement, still keeps the laughs rolling in. Frank reckons there are that many bugs in his house, every time you pull the bed away from the wall, they pull it back again. At least he wont go short for fish bait. ------well thats it. BHQ MASONIC This is a sort of round up article as the PRO in his wisdom has not asked us to produce another. Due entirely to the fact that we wrote all we could early in the tour and the inspiration was worn out. That is except for Mr Morris, it is rumoured that he can't write because his brain is not getting the eighteen hours a day sleep it needs with him having to sit in the Ops Room every day. We are told that Capt John (SS) Deakin played a major :.»art in the arrest of Martin McGuiness and Terry Crossan. He gave the order to Mr Stevenson as he did not have a radio despite having all the accessories hanging on his flack jacket. They had obviously heard of Capt Deakins ability as a sprinter as they made no effort to run away. The BSM met a sticky end, when he told the MT section to paint the Land Rovers. Working on the principle that if it moves salute it and if it doesn't paint it the seats were painted as well. The BC and BK had a good idea of emptying a water tank during some very heavy rain last week. They spent hours pouring the water out: good game It must relieve the boredom of the Ops Room. The rest of us are still doing all the work. Except for Sgt Terry Torode who has been walking round counting things in preparation for his EPC (A) exam. THE LOST TROOP THE COOKHOUSE MOB You come in our Kitchen Cpl Newsom's the Boss Cpl Munro and Cpl Taylor Pte Bunce is the best, But we know you all like us, So we'll make you bionic |