CHRISTMAS 1975

INTRODUCTION

This Christmas Edition of the Newsletter has set some sort of precedent in that we have twelve sides of waffle and a photo page. I
I hope we will keep it up if not improve in the coming weeks. However it could not have been achieved at a better time. Although I know that a lot of our readers in Fallingbostel will have left for the united Kingdom now that the school holidays are here, you will no doubt catch up on the Regiment's activities by reading these epistles when you return.

Sgt Green and I (the PRO) who spend many a happy hour stapling the pages together, having duplicated them and designed and produced the cover, would like to take this opportunity of wishing you all a Peaceful Christmas and Every Happiness in 1976. Although for obvious reasons we cannot all have Christmas Day off everyone will be having a Christmas Dinner. It is reassuring for us that each day children sing carols beside the large Christmas Tree standing outside the City Walls which has brightened the City. It is a reminder that it is possible to achieve peace in Northern Ireland if everyone would try.

Sgt Pete Graham was delighted when his section found arms and ammunition in the Bogside. The excitement has been Infectious with everyone on the lockout for anything unusual.

We have still not received any poems or articles from Fallingbostel. How about a "letters to the Editor11 page to let all those readers who do not live in Fallingbostel TV= keep track of events. These could be short^ and either informative or amusing. We look forward to some reaction, ladies! After all women’s liberation should inspire competition in all fields, there must be some budding; authors.

The Rugby team, following hard on the heels of a very successful Soccer team, beat 39 Regiment 21-0 in the Mcllwaine Cup. The air in Londonderry certainly seems to be inspiring the sporting teams to greater things.
SSgt Derek Cheeseraan tells me it is the good food and hard work put in by his not much publicised cooks. However what ever the reason it is a good start to our last year as a Regiment. *

A STATEMENT OF PHILOSOPHY
It is better to be a young June bug than an old bird of paradise.

H TROOP
The Strand and the troop, since our last letter, have had a very quiet time even quieter than the first period. Although Christmas is only days away there is little evidence of it in the Strand Road Apart from the odd effort by a few shop keepers to decorate their windows you wouldn't-know—the time of good will was here. (All the effort seems to be in Shipquay Place)

With the advent of R & R everyone is looking forward to someone else coming back from theirs. Once you’ve had your R £-R its all down hill.
I
Barney Rubble alias Gnr Salt who. was the first to go on R £ R in Bdr Derek Beeches section we are assured is now a much better man. So it must be good stuff.

The latest arrival to the troop was produced by Mrs Allen wife of Gnr !Ticker Allen
They were blessed with a 91bs monster Boy, Congratulations from us all: what a Christmas present.
The G.P.O. send their thanks as it may reduce the frequency of calls. Seeing as the baby was three weeks late Ticker was getting a bit worried so lived in the phone box when not on stag.

I have been told, to inform the world and Mrs Cartwright that Ben Cartwright "made it??. 'It must have been in the Waterside as we're not allowed in the Bog. • Should you look closely there's a pun there somewhere.

Bdr Graves and his search team are still taking great delight in knocking down everything they search. We've promised to hide something for them just to keep their peckers up, Don’t worry 94 when the potato gun comes back into vogue we'll have the biggest haul of ammo you have ever seen. (There are warehouses full of potatoes in the Quay - Ed).

Sgt Harris alias the sleeping policeman said he was going to produce a top ten but has fallen asleep again.

Glass advertisements "Clearly the best.

AT THE TELEPHONE
Two Officers trying to reach an agreement
! Put your request in writing
why ? Will it help you reach a decision
No ! it will help me decide to whom I should pass the buck!

CONFIDENTIAL MESSAGE
FROM I TROOP
The troop commander racked his addled brain as he tried to write this troop article. He knew that in less than four hours that sinister figures of the PRO would lurch through the gates of the Masonic Car Park and turning his evil eye onto the poor scribe to shrivel him up.
Fighting the temptation to. snatch another hours, sleep he forced himself out of bed and into the cold light of noon. (He then realised it was not a third rate novel he was about to write).
The main event of the last month was our day-trip to Magilligan Prison. We became part of a composite company of the Brigade reserve, to" support the prison staff to search the special category compounds. Our main task was to stand in ranks and look menacing, while the orison staff did the search. This is not easy to do after hours of standing in the cold, but after all the running in the Bogside we were too tired to object.
The search succeeded and numerous weapons came to light. Thinking this' Would be the end of the Magilligan episode we returned to camp only to be sent there the following day!

Bdr Colin Hill and Gnr Roy Brown managed to get away to play soccer for the regiment last weekend. Gnr Brown managed to score a goal from a header and assures me there is no need to publish this as he has informed everyone in the Regiment of this already.
The start of the R & R phase has come as a landmark in our tour and "Biggers" alias Gnr Keith Bignell was more than slightly worried when the bus for Aldergrove Airport left without him. Fortunately he managed to catch his flight.
We welcome Gnr Potts recently come of age to the troop where he has wasted no time in settling in.
Our congratulations to Gnr Chris Burch who became the father of a son the other day but bad luck on his attempt to borrow money from the BSM to celebrate.

We understand that Gunner "Kid" Curry is looking forward to his Advanced Conversationalist course because of his natural ability to chat up the Bogside.

Back to the horror story he managed these few lines and survived the PRO's stare. Damn, he will have to write again in three weeks time.

THE 42ND PSALM - Tac:
We really didn't know
Urban war would be like this,
Cowboy soldiering was not our scene at all. But we,ve saddle sores from sitting
And a fast draw on our knitting As the cattle low, down in our old corral.

18:
When we '"volunteered for Derry
0uld England for to save
We trained in flat old Fally, making kills, But.we should have used a mountain
We' didn't know the Fountain . . . : I
'Was built' on lots of ruddy Irish hills.

49
To pass the time on our patch.
This Battery goes collecting,
So that boredom wont drive us up the pole -
New underwear, and lots .... : of dinky flower pots
And our pride and joy - The world's greatest hole,

94
When it's windy on the Creggan . And dull on Waterside . .
An the sun shines on the rest of Derry town. . - •
You can lay a level, bet
That 'we'll get sodding wet . . . . In the Bogside it always p—-—s .down. •

Bridge camp
Well, our camp looks like Butlin's -
(In nineteen twenty four) . . .. Our experiences are too horrible to tell
Queen Mary once had "Calais'
Printed on her heart -
On. our aching feet, you'll find stamped "Brandywell
I
Echelon:
Fort George sounds military
In a John Wayne sort of way; . And the food's good (if you only eat the gravy). But why should soldiers brown
Have their world turned upside down
And be forced to soldier with the flipping Navy?

All:
Oh, an Irish tour at Christmas
Is what we've all dreamed of
(in a nightmare, shivering with fear),
But let us kid you not
We are a cheerful lot
We're really only here to sup the beer.

QUEBEC FAMILY HOPS
••
Family Tree
Walter PPK - Mick Lomas - Judy Garland
BC

It is worthy of note that in the organisation of hour hops family there is no Hops officer as such. He is really taken for granted. But by way of introduction, the others are:
L/Bdr Walters (PPK)
a high calibre chap who does height hours on and thirty two hoff.
L/Bdr Mick Lomas
Who also does height hours hon and thirty two. hoff.
L/Bdr Judy Garland
who works the same hours.
Bdr Everitt (Phyllis)-
who has been sacked from the family because his standards are too high. He's now acting as BC,s bodyguard.

It is not worthy of note that the above system is unsatisfactory, because the whole family is on stag at the same time, leaving nobody but the BC to man the Hops Room between 8am and midnight.

Responsibilities are as follows:

PPK
ensures that all messages from 49 Bty to RHQ are .sent via Z99 ' ...........
Spiral (defined as a drunk but hungry BC HQ Bty). He also makes the coffee for any visitors who are clobbered for stags on the set. He is a lousy signaller .but a very nice chap. He is learning to roll his own: slowly.

MICK
is responsible for turning the radio on if he thinks someone is
trying to contact us. He also has to turn the volume down if Bdr McMenemy says anything on the net. He (Mick) is a lousy signaller but a splendid chap. He puts the sugar in the coffee that PPK makes.

JUDY
is irresponsible. He's not a nice chap. He's a good draughts player. I hate him. He can't even look after the regimental and battery nets, the three telephones, change the pocket phone batteries, .. .keep the incident map up to date, and stir the coffee that is made by Mick and PPK, all at the same time. (He would make a very good AAPRO - Ed),
The family normally spends the day at home. In fact we spend every day at home.in the bloody Hops Room. Our slackest time is between 2359 and 0001 hours daily, when we look forward to tomorrow and relax after yesterday. The other twenty three odd hours in every day are spent monitoring the progress of the thousands of flower pots scattered throughout our patch.
The intention is that each pot should have served in every other pot's location by the end of the tour. The same applies to the sentry boxes. The only reason the Hops officer is never in during the afternoon is because he is out on the tewwain keeping track of the recent developments, as Roy Jenkins would say. In doing so, he has discovered that the only real "sangor banger" we've got is Taffy Marshall who insists on beating hell out of the sentry boxes as ordered by Call sign 19.

Another job for the Hops officer is to apologise to the public at large after the BC has gone to bed. After all it's hardly right that the BC should stroll through the streets shouting, in true Ken Dodds fashion, "Oh what a lovely day for dropping breeze blocks onto old ladies!" Neither should he be allowed to get away with saying to the manager of Woolworths, "You are going to find a bomb ir yuur shop tomorrow. I,ve made up my mind".
And as for corning up on the Regimental net as 'Oscar Six!

Despite this, or rather because of it, we tend to enjoy ourselves, and we look forward to when we are at home in Germany so that we can practice voice procedure with our wives, and intimidate our children. As for the near future, we have the following recommendations to make:

- The Rame Head should be moved to the other side of the Craigavon Bridge, because in so doing the top and bottom tiers of the bridge will be damaged beyond repair. Therefore checkpoints P2, P3 and P3A will not be needed. The men at present employed on those checkpoints will then be available for other more strenuous employment.

- Peter Ramsay should remove the Mascara from his upper lip.

- The Regimental Hops Hofficer should fall three of his assistant Hops Hofficers out, the Adjutant should become the Hops Hofficer, the Hops Hofficer becone the Adjutant, and the PBG become the Padre.

- The 11QMS should speak into the telephone receiver, not sing.

G Troop Jottings

With the tour seeming to slip by at an alarming rate and only what can be regarded as 8 days worth of stags left to Christmas Day, G troop is weathering the storm quite well. Spirits and morale are quite high now we have started the migration of soldiers on R & R leave.
I must say it was nice to see Loco Lomas return to the fold on time. Cfn Kev Matthews has also been absent in UK for few days now end, the rest of the troop is looking forward to his return so ho can "stag, on
Cpl "Peanut" Mavhew has had an exciting week, on his first time on Shipquay gate he was confronted by an irate Lt Cooke (holding; a sore head who accused him of beating a certain paddy, This Paddy had his revenge by taking it out on Lt Cooke. Cpl Mayhew wishes everyone to know its not true and he's blaming the Chinese: (This could be an International Incident - Ed)

At the time of writing we are once more on the bridge. So far so good however with this troop anything can and could happen.
LCpl Peacock reckons he's seen the Loch Foyle Monster, can any of the other troops confirm the existence of this creature. (They'll do anything to get back from Ebrington undetected)

May everyone of G troop wish all our readers a very, very merry Chrismas and a happy . prosperous '"new .Year, see you all in 1976.

BATTERY (STOP PRESS) TOP 30

compiled by - The Mean Machine and The Flintstone Cops

Since the first publication of the New Inkerman Musical Chart the Regimental Super Stars have been very busy keeping up with the great demand for hits from our friends in these weird looking trousers and skirts (The Bogsiders wear Bay City Roller gear.- Ed).
Several numbers have made way for some very exciting tunes. However the top artist is still Bravo-Charlie with no less than "3' songs in the chart.

Record
No. 1 Rocket man
2 Bedsore Blues
3 We have blown it all sky high I am free
5 Come Fly With Me
6 Theme Music from Ned Kelly
7 Magic Round-a-Bout
8 Midnight Cowboys
9 Bed Knobs and Broomsticks
10 Streets of Londonderry
11 My Sweet Lord
12 Hippy Hippy Shake
13 Morning has Broken
14 I!m your Yesterday man
15 Blowing in the Wind
16 He Aint Heavy He Is my Brother
17 Return to Sender
18 Turn your Radio on
19 Nip on Ive dipped out
20 There's a whole lot- of loving going on.
21 If you see me Walking down the Street
22 We never promised you a Rose Garden
23 Help! I am Hurt
24 You Sexy Thing
25 1 believe in Father Christmas
26 Renta Santa
27 Band on the Run
28 Bridge over Troubled Waters
29 Wide eyed and Legless
30 Right Back Where We Started From

THE PLIGHT OF A LONELY GUNNER

A long time ago, in the green and pleasant land of Northern Ireland, in a little city called Londonderry, there was a young Gunner who was caught playing cards whilst on Sanger duties. The Sgt said that he was a horrible man and told him that he would soon be tapping the boards for his sins.
Eventually the Gunner did face his BC« and when asked to explain the reason for his misdemeanour, he said;-

Sir, .-.
I knew I have sinned against the MML, and for it I must pay, but to me my pack of cards are a constant reminder of my job here - let me explain,

THE ACE, to me, is one little spot amongst many, just like me Sir.
THE TWO, reminds me of Papa 2 the bridge, and how cold it gets there
on agony stag.
THE THREE, is how many months we have got left of this tour, and serves to remind me also of the 28 days leave I shall get then.
THE FOUR, is the total number of beers that I have drunk since I have been here, all of them last night.
THE FIVE, reminds me of the five civilised days of work, and of the weekends that we used to get.
THE SIX, is the number of hours of each stag, and of our time off.
THE SEVEN, tells me that we are only expected to work seven days; in a week, but I feel sure that soon we shall be expected to do more.
THE EIGHT, reminds me of the biggest pain in the xxxx of this tour-Papa 8-Jeez how I hate that place.
THE NINE, is for the nine members of no 3 Section, and how many hours I have done extra at the end of my stags waiting for them to take over, this week,
THE TEN, reminds me of the 10 different Sangers that we man- no wonder
they all- call us « HANDBAG .BATTERY!
THE JACK, tells me who I should be looking after, myself.
THE QUEEN, even she can't help us.
THE KING-, reminds me that we only have one Troop Commander, God bless
his little cotton socks.

The 52 cards in the pack remind me that I only have 52 weeks left to do in this man's Army. The extra two, the Jokers, well, what can I say.
Finally, the 12 picture cards in the pack are for the occasional 12 hours I get off as a reward for my hard work.
So you see Sir, my cards, to me are a constant reminder and an educational pass time.
Thus, having spoke, he waited.....
The B.C. looked him straight in the eye and said, 'I find your excuse rather feeble, and I award you 28 days detention - try including, that in your cards'.

The Gunner was then marched away to begin his sentence.

THE MORAL OF THIS STORY? You can't even fool some of the people some of the time.

49 Bty BHQ
The birds, flowers and the bees
All compete with Rats, dogs and fleas
In this house by the docks
You can find the lads of 49

Our home is bleak and pretty dull
Life here is alright if you're a gull
Ships In the harbour loading grain
Every day, windy, no sun just rain.

We work from dawn to the dawn
Now and again 'Spud' lets out a yawn
Telephone rings: who dat der denI
Can I borrow a pencil paper or pen

Scribble scribble, words on paper
Why hello, here comes SGT Neighbour
Just got up says our master shot
16 hours a day, no bad? What

Our BC.~ Major Shedden
He finds work here just heaven
Potting, digging - planting flowers
.He's got a hobby to pass the hours

Report to the Ops Room, a voice crys
down the stairs a dog (l mean a SGT flys)
Whats the hurry — whats the rush
Where did I leave that b ____y gun.

I know that rush and gun don't ryhme
but when your section is supposed to be nine
Finding Six is all you got
Prom the Ops Room - thatrs yer lot

A Londoner

CONGRATULATIONS
Our congratulations go to the following with their new arrivals

Gnr and Mrs Benbow - a daughter
Gnr and Mrs Burch - a son
Gnr and Mrs Allen - a son

BEHIND THAT DOOR (49 Battery Intelligence Cell)
What does go on behind that door ? The textbook answer should be, the brains behind the troops - BUT, you are about to learn one of the best keep secrets since our operations started in this jewel of ERIN's cities,
I am, of course talking about that tight knit group of brainless perplexity who go by the name of Ssssccchhhh cell. Led by that admirer of all things equestrian, Lt Charles "Rhine Army please" Moore, we apply ourselves with maximum effort and minimum efficiency to cause as much hindrance to the fighting troops as is humanly possible. Well, what else could you expect from Charlie's minions; Bdr Bill "gums" Nicolson, L BDR Dave "the neck" Edwards and that bastion from 94 Loc Regiment L BDR Mick "Pope hater" Sangster. (Me).
Ever since we lost Bill Long through an act by the BC or was it DDT, life in the cell has become easier due to the fact we now get one day off in three instead of four. Still these things are sent to try us though we really miss Bill and his frequent discussions with Charlie about ladies. (And I thought Judy was the star of TV's Daktari).
The day starts with the 'duty clerk spending two hours digging his relief’s out of bed where upon. He will retire himself to dreamland barring interruptions from the local workmen - who accidentally dismantled Mick's bed one morning whilst he was sleeping. They were seen off with a blast of Gaelic profanity that would have shocked Bernadette Devlin. I digress; the workers then report for duty — well they should. Bill normally signs in at the "Wog Shop", Dave wakes up the 10*with a few well chosen bars from the James Bond theme and Mick sits in the comfy chair and gazes with hatred at the photos of the local celebrities, and him with a "darling colleen" wife too. The rest of the day is taken up with the arduous task of providing sufficient information to keep the troops interested or more often than not checking up on the local girls the single lads have met the night before at the Legion. With the boss making his frequent trips to TAG, (an excuse to read his mail) the rest of us hold various discussions on the morals of the locals and more recently "Rees" Releases coupled with arguments about the size of Bill's tooth bucket.
Still, with all our eccentricities WE think we do a good job but are always open to sensible suggestions which are to be written on a £5 note and slid under the door.
I think I have said enough now so I'll sign off by wishing you all a "RYMRE MSXA".

Intelligence Officer - Ed

Bob and Bill
Went up the Hill,
To visit the Masonic.

When they come down,
chased by the Town.
Their Speed was Super Sonic

ANON

GUNNER CUP QUARTER FINAL (SAT 13 DEC 1973)
42nd Regiment RA verse 4th Regiment RA

The myth that the football team lose heart when goals down was finally laid to rest with the Regiment storming to an 8 - 2 victory over 4th Regt RA from Catterick Yorkshire.
4th started at an extremely fast pace and after four minutes Bdr 'Rags' Dodds, diving to the right brought off a superb one handed save. Unfortunately Bdr Dodds, not being as good looking as our official keeper L/Cpl McKay, failed to fool the Referee who awarded a penalty. Much to the teams relief the penalty was missed. Due, so L/Cpl McKay says, to his technique of showing the whites of his eyes to the penalty taker.
Being an extremely generous team we then let 4th score two quick goals in lieu of the missed penalty. Both teams then settled down to play constructive football with play flowing from one end to the other but failing to convert chances into goals. Well into the first half we finally scored, a well taken' goal by Allan Berry. The teams confidence was growing throughout and were a trifle unlucky to finish the first half 2-1 down.
The second half started in great style for us with big Roy Brown scoring a superbly headed goal from a corner kick. 42 now moved into top gear with the ball being sprayed all over the, pitch. Nearly every attack ended with a shot at the visitors goal and the goal tally started to mount with Bdr "Elbow" Elward scoring a perfectly placed 20 yarder into the top left corner. The final whistle blew and we were the winners by 8 goals to 2. We now look forward to the Semi-Final and are praying it will be in the UK.
The whole team ran their hearts out as usual and L/Cpl "Sticky fingers" McKay inspired the team with his safe handling of the ball.

Special thanks to the back up team of Capt MACDONALD, W02 HARDY and SGT DOUGLAS for their hard work in arranging matches and training sessions. We all wish Capt MCDONALD a Happy Christmas and success on his QMs course. Also thanks to the BCs and all the lads who worked extra shifts and lost out on precious ZZZs.

Goal scorers
BERRY 3
EL WARD 2
BROWN 1
BURNDRSD 1
WILLIAMS 1

QUOTE OF THE WEEK
,
Sgt Cole (Rear Party Paymaster) to a newly joined Gunner.
"You are so wet, you could supply the Foreign Legion with water for a week in the Sahara".

INKERMAN NURSERY RHYMES
INKERMAN

Inkerman , Inkerman
Where have you been?
Why, We've been to Derry to fight for the Queen,

Gainst Boggies and Bogies
and Sewer rats too
and stupid old cows, that just sit there and moo

Inker man Inkerman What did you there?
all sat in sangars and pulled out our hair,,

No heaters, No lights
No kerosene oil
And fishing dumb paddies from out of the Foyle

Inkerman, Inkerman how went the fight.
We haven't a clue
Cos we slept day and night.

Through car bombs and snipers
Riots and Screams
We are dreaming of Fally in Inkerman Dreams.

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.
Egg on legs, he had a great fall.
All of SpudTs hero's, and all of Spud's men
LAUGHED !!

(Ed - L BDR STANTON - the champion egg eater)
.
4 & 20 Blackbirds standing in the street,
4-& 20 Soldiers thought of easy meat.
When the tour was over
Much to our surprise.
There were 4+20 Squaddies with big black eyes.

TWINKLE TWINKLE
Twinkle, clutter little bomb
Where the hell did that come from
Like a sunset in the sky's
See the BC, How he flies


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